What’s the fastest you’ve ever run to the toilet? Remember the urgency you had? Now, imagine that sense of urgency pounding away in your bowels and there being a class 4 rapid between you and gastrointestinal relief. That’s a little of what I had to endure this last week as WILD traversed across the Isthmus of Tehuantepec, traveling from the Gulf of Mexico to the Pacific Ocean, during its final week of adventure.
When you go to Mexico remember not to drink the water. That is what all the guidebooks and experienced travellers tell you. Its actually a little harder to do than you’d think. Remember that all fruits and vegetables are rinsed with tap water, ice cubes are sometimes made with tap water, and sometimes water for tea and coffee just isn’t boiled long enough to kill all those nasty little critters that are waiting to make you sick. And it doesn’t help when you immerse yourself in the dirty rivers of the country on a daily basis, the actual source of all that tap water. Getting sick was bound to happen. Unfortunately, my bout of Montezuma’s revenge had to occur during one of the most action-packed weeks of fun and adventure on the entire WILD schedule.
The final week of WIILD is called the Southern Mexico Expedition. We travelled from coast to coast and along the way enjoyed a fine mix of tourist attractions and wild rivers. We left Jalcomulco two Saturdays ago and started our final journey, but it was on the first day of the road trip that Montezuma took his revenge on me. Me and Montezuma had a little quarrel back in Jalcomulco a couple of weeks ago but I managed to fight him off relatively quickly. This time, however, he got the best of me.
I woke up on the morning of the departure with a nauseating feeling in my stomach. We were preparing to leave at 4:30 in the morning for the long drive across the country when all of a sudden I exploded from both ends in an uncontrollable bout of vomiting and, well, you know what else. My bowels calmed down somewhat as I passed out on the bus, but I still managed to mark my territory at every roadside gas station we stopped at throughout the 12-hour drive. Some of the incidents were pretty close to occurring right on the bus and in my pants. I was urged by some staff members to do as they did last year when Montezuma got the best of them and wear a diaper. I flat out refused to subject myself to that form of humiliation. Its going to be decades before I need to rely on Depends.
I’ll break for a moment from my bowel activity and share some of the activities we did throughout the week. In both the Gulf and the Pacific we encountered great surf and kayaked to our hearts’ content. We camped in the jungle and visited monkeys and crocodiles near one of Mexico’s largest lakes. A few of us went to a natural spa in the jungle and had mud baths which were followed by a luffa scrub by beautiful women and a second bath with a mixture of fruit water and wild flowers. At the seaside town of Mazunte, we visited a turtle sanctuary and were given the opportunity to each release
two baby sea turtles into the ocean. I named mine Fat and Chance in relation to the likelihood of their survival in the sea. After the turtle sanctuary we took a canoe tour of a regenerated mangrove swamp full of snakes, crocodiles, and lizards. Just outside of Huatulco we spent an afternoon cliff jumping and swimming at the Rio Zimatan before heading into the jungles of Oaxaca. On the Rio Copalitilla we were introduced to a unique sport called cascading where you use a combination of swimming, jumping, rope swings, and rappels to descend the river. In addition to all this excitement we even managed to paddle for two days on the Rio Copalita.Its here, with the Rio Copalita river trip, that I will return to the battle of Bob versus Montezuma. We spent all of Tuesday on the river in what was to be our final river expedition. I was selected to lead the group of students down this river without the guidance of any of the instructors. I’d be lying to say that I was winning the battle with Montezuma; I was still in pretty rough shape. Paddling with the shits sucks. Every hour or so I rapidly paddled to shore, found a bush, and did my business. Meanwhile the entire group was waiting on my lead. A couple of times in the middle of really long rapids the urge came and I paddled as fast as I could to avoid, well, you know. The best thing about paddling with the poops is that there’s always a place to clean up after you’ve done your business – and trust me, that bastard Montezuma can be really messy. On the second day of the Copalita trip, and the final day of paddling for WILD, we finished the river and the course in a fashionable way by paddling from the river straight into the Pacific Ocean. It was the perfect ending to three months of travelling, learning, new experiences, and adventure. I don’t have words to describe the feeling of accomplishment. However, I do have words to describe what my bowels went through this week: use your imagination, the first word is the adjective form of the F-word and the second word is Hell!
Now that WILD has finished the feeling is somewhat bitter sweet. Its tough to say goodbye to so many new friends so suddenly. All the staff and students are going their separate ways, and I’m doing the same as well. This journey just finished and I’m already in the midst of starting another. For now, however, it is vacation time on the beaches of Huatulco before I venture further south to explore Guatemala and the rest of Central America.
